13 Reasons Why? – Tape 1, Side A

This famous Netflix Series was released 4 months back which received both positive and negative reviews, that being said this TV series had its own character flaws. On a certain level, most of us had/have a Love – hate relationship with one or many other characters. I after watching this TV series actually wanted to write a series of blog posts on each major character in my perspective but the lazy me ended up with just a Review.

Recently a question popped up in one of the WhatsApp groups, I am part of; Apart from Hannah Baker, who among the 12 people was extremely ruthless? And why? The discussion went on for, I don’t know how long? Everyone who watched it shared their perspective and why one character in that TV series was ruthless. I realized it is the time to do the blog series which I did put on hold. So, I discussed the idea with my friend and the one who asked this question Srilakshmi, she gave a brilliant idea that I asked many of my blogging friends where few showed interest. Here, goes the first post about the first person on the tape. Over to Poornima who came forward with her post to start the Blog Series and Thank you for that. 🙂

13RW - JF

Hey, Justin.

How you doing? Rhetorical question, but I had to ask. It must not be easy. Losing the woman you love? I know it’s tough. But what would you have done? If she’d cheated or betrayed your trust and hadn’t told you? Would you have forgiven her? Would you have told her just how much you understand? Would you have taken her back because she swore she loves you and she didn’t tell you because she was worried about your feelings?

If you answered ‘Yes’, you and I both know it’s a lie. If you really were that kind a human being, you wouldn’t spread rumours about someone who trusted you. She trusted you, didn’t she? Hanna. She trusted you enough to go out with you. She dressed up for you. She showed up for you. She laughed with you. And you used her to up your reputation. Like every narcissistic jock who cares what his peers think about him? But that’s not who you are. Not really, no.

So who are you really? Did you ever stop to think who you are and who you’ve become as a person? As a friend? As a boyfriend? Because I did.

You were a child, Justin. A child in a broken home, wishing for a family. Wishing for a friend. Someone who’ll look at you, put their arms around you and welcome you home. Someone who’ll get you those new shoes because it’s time for school again. Someone who’ll acknowledge your existence and treat it like it matters rather than a nuisance she can’t wait to get out of her tiny apartment so she can live in peace with her new boyfriend while she’s getting high until one fine day she’ll drop dead. You were that child that didn’t like pity but deserved so much of it. Until you made that friend…

You know the one I’m talking about. He made you feel home, didn’t he? He treated you with the respect you thought you deserved. He recognised you as a fellow human being and you became brothers of sorts. The inseparables. You know who he is within. You’ve always known that rich kid came with a rich ego. You fed off of it. Your anger towards your lack of a family and your friendship with your so-called best friend turned you into that dude who’ll bring you flowers only to rip the petals off of it later. Not on the inside, no. Just on the surface. You’re an asshole with a conscience. And that’s why I hate you.

Because she was a good girl with some serious emotional flaws. Not Hanna. Jess. You knew it. You knew that fake smile and peppy attitude hid a girl who craved attention like you did. It’s why you were drawn to her. It’s why you liked her even when your life was a mess. And you knew that’s where your loyalty needed to be. Hiding in your best friend’s guest house after cutting school for days, I always thought it was Hanna. But it was Jess, wasn’t it? Knowing she knew, you couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore, could you? When she demands your attention by getting on her knees, you didn’t push her off because of your mother’s boyfriend. You pushed her off because your heart hurt knowing what you’d done.

Every crime has two sides, Justin. And you kept taking the wrong one. You didn’t need to pass that list on. You didn’t need to brag about that photo. You didn’t need to pledge loyalty to a “friend” who didn’t pledge his to you. But you did. And in the process, you didn’t do something you needed to. You needed to tell her the truth the next morning. At the cost of her love, at the cost of your relationship, at the cost of her emotions, she needed to know. But you didn’t tell her. Neither did Hanna. And that’s why I hate you both.

Jess will find her peace, you know? She’ll find her happiness someday. It won’t come easy, thanks to you. But she will. You won’t.

Your guilt will consume you. You will go on. You will live a life. But on a rainy day, standing by the window with a cup of hot chocolate, there will be silence all around you and chaos within. That conscience? It will become your worst enemy. And you’ll deserve it.

Because I liked the boy I saw the first time he smiled, playful and fun. I loved the boy I saw with tears, looking for a new home, a scarred heart on the run.

But today when someone asks me, “Who did you hate the most on 13 Reasons Why?” I know my answer without hesitation.

Justin.

Comments

September 20, 2017 at 3:35 am

So deep and moving. I guess that’s the best thing about character sketches. It brings out the best in people, about people’ best and worst. For the passion of this writing, I am already tempted to watch this series. Please keep this attempt going, and the writing as well, to the guest 🙂 Thanks for this idea and hosting such an awesome piece of writing Pratip. Looking forward! 🙂



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